Blog » Relationships and the Christmas fall-out
Clean Slates and relationships
Always a sticky time of year, Christmas, especially for relationships. I had a conversation with an estate agent, recently. He commented that he expected to sell more houses after the festive season because most people break up over Christmas and look for flats or rooms so they can get out of a bad relationship. I tried to find some corroborative evidence for his assertion, and came up with Mr Djangoly's pronouncement on the 6th January and this:
That's a bit of an indictment really, isn't it. The season of peace and goodwill to all doesn't seem to extend to the home with those unfortunate enough to be in difficult personal circumstances. That's where mediation could help.
I wonder if it's something to do with the British "don't make a fuss" syndrome, that we tend to wait until things have become intolerable before we do anything. There's something very stoic about us in the UK. But perhaps it's not just a cultural thing. Perhaps there's something in all of us that would rather not admit "failure" before we absolutely have to. The curious thing is, why do we think that asking for a bit of a steer before things get really bad is an admission of failure? After all, when we break a leg, we go to hospital to get a plaster cast and a stick to help us walk, why wouldn't we do the same for a relationship?
There's just so much at stake, isn't there. Personal pride; the fear that it might be worse than it actually seems; the overt judgement about someone else; the comments of family and friends, and worst of all, the effect on the children if they think something is really wrong.
A more humane approach could be to look upon mediation as means of coaching, just as you would a sports team, or a professional or management issue. Things need to be addressed, and mediation can help with that. You don't even have to go through a formal mediation process, Peaceworks often help facilitate "difficult conversations". Tackling relationship issues doesn't have to be a full-blown blue-light incident. You might just need a hand to "hear" each other. Either way, start 2012 with as much of a clean sheet as you possibly can and give yourself and your significant other the chance to work things out before the year gets much older. I wonder if the Beatles were right......? You can work it out