Dealing with Difficult People: a guide for public speakers

Dealing with difficult people: A Guide for public speakers

This short piece is intended as a handy guide to help public speakers, such as those required to speak in public and address audiences, to deal with difficult people in situations where it's important to remain composed and professional.  The guide is set out in three parts:

1.     Tips for preparation before speaking

2.     Types

3.     General tips

Part One:  Before your speech:

1.     Set out the rules of engagement:  "Things we will do, things we will not do".  For example you may have as your number one rule: " we will listen to each other respectfully".

2.    Research your topic

3.    Practice keeping your expression neutral in the mirror before you go.  Note how you're holding your jaw, your hands, how you're breathing, whether you are hot or cold.  Organise these things before you start speaking.

4.    Practice relaxing your facial muscles in the mirror.  When people shout or are rude in public it can make the face tense, revealing your distress.  Concentrate on relaxing your facial muscles so that you remain looking calm, even if you don't feel it!

5.    Do a "body check" and scan your body for tense poses, like clasping or wringing your hands.  Make sure your body language speaks calmness and composure.

6.    Assemble everything you need beforehand in easily accessible note form or what ever is most comfortable for you.  Preparation is key to speaking in public, and fumbling for notes will just disrupt your train of thought.

 Part two:  Types

The Heckler:  These are the more vociferous of the range of difficult people that can disrupt a public meeting and derail your good intentions. 

What they are trying to achieve:  Heckling is all about control.  The usual problem is that they want control and that you, (by being there and having the floor), have got it.  Heckling is about shouting loud enough to try and wrest control of the crowd/audience away from you.  The psychology is: "you should all be listening to me, not this other person".

Remember these things:

1.     As soon as the heckler opens his or her mouth, they have marked themselves among other members of the audience as a disruption.  You can emphasise that in your response. 

2.    Most people in the room will just want the disruption to stop

3.    The heckler, (and there's no way round this), is your responsibility.  You must stay focused on what you want to say as this will negate the power of the heckler

Ignoring hecklers just makes matters worse, as does trying to embarrass them.  It's best to nip things in the bud, capitalising on the audience's sympathy with you in trying to stop the proceedings being disrupted.  Politely say, you acknowledge the point they have made, ask them to sit down and tell everyone in no uncertain terms that you are now moving on, and make sure you keep talking.

If this doesn't work, you can

1.     Defer:  tell them you can hear what they are saying, but that it is disrupting everyone else to have a shouting match, so you will be happy to talk to the person after the meeting.  More often than not, the heckler won't remain behind after the meeting.

2.    Deflate:  Ask them to repeat what they have just said as you didn't hear what they were saying.  When hecklers are asked to repeat themselves, it can take the wind out their sails

3.    Define:  Get them to define what they are saying as a question can often defuse matters.  Tell the heckler, you are not sure what their question is, and could they please make their question clearer for you and the people listening

It's important not to give hecklers too much airspace.  If the worst comes to the worst, and things get ugly, you can always refuse to continue until the person has been removed, or decides to remove themselves.

The trapper

Wilier than the heckler, these difficult people will come ready-prepared with a well-oiled, well-sprung trap.  They may politely wait their turn at question time, and then produce a very impressive looking file, or request for information with the intention of wrong-footing you.  It is absolutely crucial, with all public meetings where you are giving a speech, to be prepared and to know your stuff.  If there are things you know you're not going to be able to answer adequately, take someone with you who can.  This is like turning up to a shoot-out without a gun if you fail to have within your armoury the means to answer any difficult questions.  Never, ever be too proud to ask someone to support you. 

You cannot over-prepare for a public meeting.  Keep these things in mind

1.     Research your topic

2.    Take along a supporter or two

3.    Research your audience and see if there are any potential problems

4.    Be prepared

The humiliator

Sadly, there are those people who will intend to humiliate in order to be heard.  Humiliating others is again an issue of control.  If the humiliator can get the poison in first, they can achieve your downfall in the eyes of your audience, and "come out on top".  This is a very simple and straightforward issue of control and wishing to be viewed in a favourable light.  People who humiliate are often victims themselves, and it's even more important with this type of disruptor, not to embarrass them or be seen to play their game.  Again, acknowledge their point, even if they are making every effort to be offensive and make personal comments, and undertake to see them about it after the talk, and this (now) is not an appropriate time to be discussing anything other than the issue at hand.  It's so important to stay focused on your topic and keep reiterating why you are all here.

The sniper

These individuals are often more interested in keeping up occasional fire rather than lobbing a grenade into the proceedings.  They will often try to fire a stinging missile at you on several occasions during your talk.  Snipers are often not so articulate as hecklers and humiliators, preferring a short sharp report than a sustained attack. 

The best defence against snipers is to

Acknowledge the point and keep going. 

Refusing to lose focus can close down snipers very effectively, and this is all about knowing your stuff. 

Research, research, research and make sure you know what you're talking about, or that you've got someone with you who knows the bits you don't know. 

Again, keep airspace to an absolute minimum, acknowledging their point and firmly, decidedly moving on.

Part three:  General tips

1.     Do a mental check of your breathing.  Drop your shoulders and breath in slowly and deeply through your nose.  Hold for two seconds and breath out slowly through a relaxed mouth.  A few iterations of this exercise will slow your heart rate down, helping to control nerves.

2.    Deliberately try to keep your voice a tone lower than you would normally use.  This will help you slow down your delivery.  It's really important to keep speaking slowly and clearly during any heated exchange.  Margaret Thatcher was coached to use a tone several measures lower than her usual one in order to sound completely calm and in control, even if she wasn't.

3.    Hold eye contact.  Looking away from snipers, hecklers and humiliators just makes people think they might have a point.  Look at them without confrontation.  If it helps, just concentrate on one feature of their face and focus on it completely.

4.    Never, ever, get angry.  If you reach a point where you don't feel you can control your responses, it's best to call for a break whilst tempers cool.

5.    Never try to put one over on your opponent.  One-upmanship makes you look bad, and that's not what you want your audience to think.

And last, ...... but not least, counting to ten really works!