Beat the Bullies

Beat the Bullies, 10 key tips for coping

Bullying in the workplace is (sadly) on the increase.  In spite of all the anti-bullying policies in schools and at work, many still experience the misery of being bullied.

Facilitated conversations, (in which an impartial supporter helps two people to moderate their interactions) and later on, formal mediation, can offer swift and effective ways to deal with bullying.

These processes are completely confidential, giving an opportunity for both the bullied person and the bully to tell their side of the story.  The written agreement which accompanies the mediation process is a proven tool in finishing bullying behaviour.

Here are ten key tips and points to help you

1.  Don't ignore it.  It tends not to go away on it's own.

2.  Tell someone.  This must be someone you trust who can hear your concerns, empathise and offer their perspective.  Keep it informal so you don't give the impression you're trying to build an alliance against the bully.  A trusted person can also provide emotional support.

3.  Get Support.  At all stages you can request mediation with an independent, trained third party.  They can provide a constructive process to address the issues involved on both sides.  As well as having the experience to deal with the technical, legal processes, their holistic approach is solution-focused.  Also, if you belong to a Union, inform them.  This is a key tip for those experiencing workplace bullying. Having some official support can be a real help for all involved.

4.  Speak to your manager or senior colleague. It's rare for a bully to pick on just one person in the office.  Arrange a meeting with your manager or another senior colleague if it's your manager that is the bully.  The bully may have a track record of this behaviour and could already be known to HR.

5.  Keep a diary.  As soon as you are on the receiving end of intimidating behaviour, record all the details with dates and times.  If you can't resolve the problem informally, this will be vital to your case further down the line.  Keeping a note of the bullying also helps you reflect clearly on what happened.

6.  Respect yourself.  As soon as you encounter unacceptable behaviour, address it.  It is not your fault!  Remember that if you allow inappropriate comments to be made on more than one occasion, you could be setting a precedent.  The longer it goes on the harder it will be to stop.

7.  Confront the bully.  If you find this hard, ask for some Assertiveness training. The bully will thrive on the fact that you may be too scared to confront them. Perhaps a word or two in a public place might put an end to the nightmare?  Make sure you keep things business-like and professional.  Remember not to retaliate if insults start flying.

8.  Insist on mediation.  The public sector are bound by the Dispute Resolution Commitment and have to use mediation as part of the process.  Even so, you are entitled to ask for a mediator whether or not you work in the public sector.  This will be looked on favourably if things get to the litigation stage.  Resolving conflict and bullying by mediation is a less expensive (both financially and emotionally) way of bringing disputes to an end. 

9.  Don't miss out.  Just because one person in the office is being unpleasant, protect your relationships with other colleagues by joining in with lunchtime drinks or after-work socials.  It's important not to isolate yourself because of the bullying.

10.  Don't get dragged down.  Ensure that you have lots to look forward outside work such as an evening class, going to the gym, seeing your friends: anything that will help you keep it all in perspective and maintain your confidence.

Finally: you're not alone.  Many people go through workplace bullying and it's something that we would all like to stop.

Have a look at the Bullyonline website created by Tim Field and his team, which provides support for those experiencing workplace bullying.  There are also websites offering legal advice and support.  Plenty of online advice exists for bullying, and it's not hard to find, but it can be a bit of a maze if you're feeling under pressure from bullying.